• Part 9. Why do I keep saying that? I'm sure you can read. Otherwise you wouldn't be here reading this next part of the story.
  • Awesomeness!

"What? We are just here to get some directions, not a fight!" Alex said.

"Oh, I'm sowwy. But I have to protect my girlfriend," Dante said, swishing his hair around.

"Why kill people? Simply lock the door or something!" Angela said, cowering behind Alex.

"Get by my side, Angela. I'll need your help," Alex said.

"What? But I have no weapon!"

"Here's your knife. I took it from you, remember? If you can free yourself from your dad, you can help me kill this show-offy guy."

Angela looked at him affirmitavely. "You're right. Let's do this," she said, and put the stained knife in front of her.

Alex opened his jacket and took out his alien pistol.

"WTF is that?" Dante asked, puzzled.

"It's my Laser Pistol. It's small, yet effective. do you want a taste of laser, Dante? You don't. I've blown the heads off kajillions of Lurkers and I have killed four bosses with a couple shots from this baby. You want it tested out on you, too?"

"Yeah, sure. I AM INVINCIBLE!!"

Alex scoffed and shot Dante in the knee.

"Ow! Why'd ya do that?"

"To prove to you that you're not invincible."

"Ow! I can't battle. Jean... take over!"

"No, honey. I can't do that. I'm a girl."

"Don't be stupid. That is just wrong. Take the sword and stab the f out of these two idiots!'

"Okay. For you wuvy bunny."

Jean took the sword and held it up. Her arms were wobbling.

"How heavy is that sword?" Angela asked.

"Not heavy... at all... it's too heavy! I can't do it, Dante!" Jean said, and dropped the sword. The sharp point drove itself into Dante's uninjured knee.

"OW! Now I can't walk. Jean, help me..."

Jean was being tackled by Alex. When she hit the ground Alex held the laser pistol to her head and said, "Where is the way to the main road? Answer me or your favorite girlfriend dies!"

"Okay, okay! Go south where your cowardly friends went and keep going! After an hour or so you'll reach the main road! Now leave my girl alone! She's not yours! That suicidal one is yours to keep!"

"That is not funny! I beat Vincent for that, and apparently you want to get beat, too! Well then, get ready for it!"

"No! Just let us go, please? I'm sorry!"

"Sorry for what? Say it like this: I am so so so sorry for calling Angela your girlfriend. I will never ever do it again, lest I see my girlfriend die and her corpse will be taken to the butcher shop. Say it!"

Dante sobbed while he said it. "I am so so so sorry for calling Angela your girlfriend. I will never ever do it again, lest I see my girlfriend die and her corpse will be taken to the butcher shop."

"Good. Now Levi's, you can go back to your boyfriend here."

"My name's Je-"

"No one cares. Now go home. Come on Angela, let's go find those two idiots."

"Okey dokey."

Angela and Alex headed south to find their idiot friends.

Dante and Jean returned into the Ranger's Station. "Oh, Dante, are you okay? I'm sorry."

"No apology needed, my Sweet Jean. I'm not hurt..."

"What? What do you mean?"

"I can heal myself."


"I am a magical unicorn in a man's body. I can do whatever the hell I like..."


"No, not really. Who would fall for that crap? Anyway, I can heal myself. Now, i will go after those four Dante haters and KILL THEM WITH MY BARE HANDS!!"

"Are they really Dante haters, I mean, I'm sure they never played DmC before..."

"They are haters!!"

"I don't think so..."

"And you will help me get those Dante Haters!"

"Okies. For you, my love..."

"Look, Master Claudia. I'm sure they are real demons."

"No! I need proof!"

"But aren't you supposed to be catching Heather and Douglas?"

"Are they here?"


"That's your answer. Now, tell me... where are Heather and Douglas?"


"I hate Ouija boards. Let's go play Elefun."

"We are now hopelessly lost in the middle of nowhere mecause of James," Vincent said.

"Uh, huh. Are we there yet?" James asked.

"I have no idea, James! That is your fault!"

"Well, sorree for trying to make this trip interesting! I thought it was good to-"

"Hey! Wait up!" Alex yelled. He and Angela had caught up with them.

"Where have you guys been? On a date?" Vincent asked.

"Don't go there, Vincent," Alex said, clenching his fists.

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