• So. Um. Part 23. So. Um. 'Ello. Part 23. How exciting. So.

I just got an idea: I'll use both bullet points and a bold heading. Boom! An awesome idea! Now that is awesomeness. I think I'll do that from now on! Yep! I'm so awesome. Please don't sue me, Mandy.

"Why do I look like a nerd? Why, Michael J. Bassett, WHY?!" Vincent said as he got on his knees.

"I feel sorry for you, Vincent. Good thing they're not making a movie about me!" James said.

"You're a great help, James. Now, what else is that Bassett Hound ruining?"

"Um, I don't know if Claudia is getting eyebrows. And I think you look nerdy."

"I know that! And what else?" Vincent asked, and he turned to Angela. "You're not getting much attention are you?"

Angela picked up her whiteboard and wrote down words. "Ya think?!"

"Geez, sorry. And now you got some! So, what else is that guy ruining?"

"You and Heather love each other," Angela wrote.

Vincent's jaw dropped. "What... the... hell... WHAT THE HELL?! I cannot believe this!"

"Oh, sorry, man," James said, and patted Vincent's back.

"It's true. Nasty."

"Oh. Mah. Gawd. First, I look like a nerd. And now I love Heather?! What has this world come to?!"

"At least Uwe Boll isn't directing," James said.

"Who the hell is that?" Vincent asked.

"Hey. Hey Douglas. Hey. Hey Douglas. Hey. Hey-"


"Check this out. It's some awesome music," Brad said, and handed Douglas his iPod.

"What is it?" he asked, and turned the volume up.

"Grisly Reminder by Midnight Syndicate. Ain't it cooool?"

Douglas froze in place, and he didn't blink.

"Douglas? Douglas come on, don't do that."


"Dude, come on..."



"AAAAH!" Douglas screamed, and threw the iPod on the ground. He stomped on it over and over until it was crushed into fine powder.

Brad looked in shock at the floor. "My iPod! What the hell, Douglas?!"

"It... it... it's scary as hell!"

"No it isn't!"


"Whoa. I can surely tell, now that there's a puddle under your feet..."

Faruark was squirming around, trying to get out of Dante's grip.

"You can't escape me! Escape is not possible! Ess-ca-pay!"

The beast kept squirming, and it started scratching Dante's hand.

"That doesn't hurt. Ha."

Wervenzen heard Faruark's snarling and came over, calling Scraugolen as well.

Dante looked at them and let go. "Uh, heh heh. Hai... I didn't do nuthin! It was her!' he shouted, and pointed at Jean.

"What- no I didn't! LIAR!"

Scraugolen strode over and picked up Jean by her throat. It threw her into Mandy, and they toppled a shelf or two.

Dante quickly healed his knee and stood up. "Hey, butchers! Lookie! I'm so hot, aren't I? Let's go! Round two!" he said, and headed over to Nero's side. He pulled out the blade and spit in his wound. "You're so weak," Dante said, and waved his hands over Nero's neck. "But anywho, you're healed!"

"I hate you, you sick fu-"

"That's very interesting, Nero, but we got devils to kill!" Dante interrupted, and gave Nero his sword.

"Such a wunderbar ability, boy. But look around this dismal place. Some things have changed. Or can't you tell? Look, the walls have become a rusty brown and reddish color."

Dante looked at the wall, and that devil told the truth. The rotten wood has been replaced by bloody, rusted steel. "Whoa. Insane. What did you do?" he asked, and looked out the now-barred window. The sky was reddish orange, and the clouds were moving faster than they should have. "Whoa, you are a powerful demon, eh?" The trees were dead and broken, and it revealed the road out of South Ashfield. "Wow, it's getting really, really warm...Huh. Could you tell me what you did? It was so bad-ass."

Wervenzen laughed. "I had nothing to do with this, stupid. It was one of you... not us."

"LIAR! It was you!"

"We are not powerful enough to cause such a change. But somehow humans like you are. Mwahaha... Now, let's get back to fighting, shall we?" Wervenzen said, and took blades from Scraugolen's body. "Come on, boys. Don't cut yourselves."

"Oh, we won't, Smelly Foot," Nero said, and revved his sword. "Come here... come here, you bastard!"

Wervenzen flexed the fingers on his left hand, and his claws got longer and sharper.

"Whoa. That's not fair! Your arm can shapeshift! No effing fair!"

Nero smacked Dante's forehead. "Dumbass, you have a Devil Trigger!"

"I do? Oh, yeah. My shapeshifting form is much better! ha, ha!"

"Prove it is."

"Oh- oh, you wanna see my Devil Trigger? Fine!" Dante grasped his sword tightly. "By the power of Dante's hawtness! Jean suggested I say that." Dante transformed into a demon-like entity, with red scaly skin and three clawed feet. There were lighted cracks on his chest. "Oh, I am bad-ass-er than you! Jealous?"

"It does not affect me. Now, come on, boy. You think you can defeat me?"

"Of course I can! Nero, come on and kick this devil's hide!"

"I'm already ahead of you," Nero said, and revved the sword, slashing Faruark though the hole in its armor. It's blood poured out of the wound, and Dante held a container under it. "Sickening, ain't it? Vampires!"

Faruark stepped backwards and tripped over Angela, landing on its head. Its blood soaked her sweater sleeve, and based on what she saw happen to Mandy, she decided to squeeze the blood on her hand. A couple drops fell on her palm, and she hesitated to do it.

"You can't stop me!" Dante shouted, swinging the sword around. "I am the best!" he said, and thrust the sword into the broken eyehole of Scraugolen's mask. Dante pulled it back out, and its yellowed eyeball was stuck on the tip. "NAAAAAASTY!!" Dante shouted, and shook the sword.

Scraugolen stumbled around for a few moments and looked back at Dante.

"Maybe I shouldn't have poked out your eye. Now you won't be able to see my hawtness!"

Scraugolen stared, and picked up its eye from the floor. It shoved it back in its skull, and it immediately started functioning again.

"Holy shiiiiiii--" Dante tried to say, and his Devil Trigger then expired. He returned to normal Dante. "Oh, maaan..."

Nero looked at Dante. "You stupidhead. Now we're gonna die!"

Dante looked left and right. The three Agents were standing right in front of him, ready to tear his body apart. "Uh, uh, uh... I thought I'd never have to use this, but... oh well." Dante stood still and put two fingers on each temple. He looked straight at Wervenzen and shouted "SEXY BEAM SHUPPATSU!"

Everyone in the warehouse looked at Dante. Jean smacked her forehead.


Nero looked at Dante. He could no longer have a straight face and burst into laughter.

"Why isn't it working?! SEXY BE--"

"Because you're not Heather, dumbass!" Nero said, trying to control his laughter.

Heather was walking down the road when she suddenly stopped. "... ... Did someone say my name? And... did some random guy say my line?"

"Guys, it's not funny! I'm trying to kill them!"

"Well, it obviously isn't working! Bwahahaha!!"

"Shut up, Nero! Sexy beam--"

"Stop embarrassing yourself, Dante!" Jean said, and pulled Dante to the side. "That move does not work for you, okay? Stop saying it!"

"Well, sorree! But my Devil Trigger--"

"Forget about the Devil Trigger! You've killed hundreds of demons just the way you are!"

"I did, didn't I?"

"Duh! Now stop trying to perform Heather's move!"

"Rodger! I'll kill you, Wervenzen, without the Devil Trigger or the Sexy Beam!"

Jean smacked her forehead once again.

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