- Sooooooooo, we're here on part 17. Heather's age. And we will most likely continue until Mary's age. So anyway, we should just get on with the story.
"You see?! This is why we need a map!" Jean said as she and Dante got lost deep in the woods.
"It is sooo not my fault that some totally random monster came and stabbed me for no good reason!"
"Yes it is. It proves you are a sissy."
"I am not a sissy! I am a hot brave man! I can do whatever I want!"
"Then take us back to the warehouse and KILL THOSE HATERS!"
"You are so right, Jean. It is my fault that I didn't use my epicy epic epicness to epic-ify those haters to death. Let's go back!"
"Exactly! Come on Dante, use your Demon killing powers to take us back to the warehouse!"
"How do I do that?"
"I don't know. You're Dante! Figure it out!"
"Okay, Sweet Jean. I'll figure out a way to get us back- hey, there's the road again!"
"Oh, Dante, you are so hot and epic..."
"You do?" The monster said, puzzled by Heather's response.
"No, I lied to make an epic-sounding ending to part 16."
"Huh," the monster said in the same growly, distorted voice.
"Now, seriously, who the hell are you?"
"Ah, you should never know that."
"Come on! Please! I won't tell anyone! It'll be our secret!"
The monster leaned on the tree. "Why should I tell you?"
"Pfft. Cause I'm Heather. I'm the best in the world."
"Okay, that's a good reason," the monster said. "First of all, I'm not an actual monster."
"Hmmm... I should know this... hmmm... the Blood Knight?"
"I'm not the Blood Knight, fool!"
"Then I don't know."
"Does the name 'Bob' ring a bell?"
"Yes! I know a Bob!"
"Well, that's not me."
We'll be right back after these messages.
"Such a bogus radio show," Brad said. "I hate when they're all like, 'we'll be right back' right when something interesting's gonna happen."
"Why won't you ever shut the hell up?!"
"Now what was I saying? Oh yeah, and then I accidentally left my sandwich in my pocket and I washed my jeans, then dried them. When I opened the dryer, everything was covered in melted cheese."
"Oh, my gawd," Douglas said in an annoyed voice. "I will shove you out the door."
"And I did the same thing with some ice cream, too. And a peanut butter sandwich. At the same time."
"Someone just kill me now. I'm tired of this kid."
"OH, YEAH!! And then I just bought a small book that's kinda in Russian. It's awesome. It's called Белый охотник. It's really epic! Want me to read it out loud for you? Ahem. Ангел. It comes from nowhere to awaken the man with the pyramid helmet to his mission. Next page. Белый охотник. He always keeps watch on it and is programmed to rid here of it..."
"Oh, I need to die. Now..."
"So... what were you saying?" James asked.
"Nothing. It looks like the rain has stopped. Let's get out of here already," Angela said, getting up off the floor. "I don't want to stay in this musty building any more. Look! The walls are rotting before our eyes!" A piece of wood fell off the wall. "See? I think I'll get cancer caused by asbestos... which is a good thing! Scratch that, let's stay here longer!" Angela changed her mind and ran to the wall. "Where is the asbestos..."
Vincent walked over to Angela and pulled her away from the wall. "Suicide is not a good thing. We still have Silent Hill, Shepherd's Glen, and the Nameless Town to visit."
"Says you! I have a bad life, and I need to end it. See ya," Angela said, and ran out the hole in the wall Mandy made earlier.
"Hey! Come back!" Vincent yelled.
"You had to make a hole in the wall, did you, Mandy?" Alex asked.
"Heh, heh... yeah."
"Now, since YOU made the hole, YOU go get her," Vincent said.
"Ugh. Fine," Mandy said, and picked up the maul and headed out.
Now only Alex, James, and Vincent were left.
"What are we gonna do while they're gone?" Alex asked.
"We obviously can't leave. So, let's find something interesting to do," Vincent said.
"Hmmm... wanna play 'truth or dare'?"
"I'm game," Alex said.
"Me too," Vincent agreed.
"Just what is taking both so long to get here?" Claudia asked as she, Leonard, Missionary, and Walter played Hungry Hungry Hippos.
"I don't know. Maybe they got caught up in something else?" Walter said as he pounded on the black lever, making his hippo eat.
"Om nom nom nom," Missionary said as his hippo was being a pig and eating all the small white marbles.
"Hey! Share the marbles!" Leonard said as his hippo was starving.
Soon all the marbles were eaten by Missionary's hippo. "OH! I win! LOOOOOSERS! ALL OF YOU!"
"Not fair, you fool! I demand a rematch!" Leonard said, grumpy about his loss.
"Oh, oh, you want to, old man? Huh? You want to get a rematch with the King of Noms?"
"Yes!" Leonard said, swishing the costume's ears around.
"Oh, oh, okay. You're on! All of you!"
The four of them started the game again and pounded on the black levers, making lots of noise.
"OM NOM NOM NOM NOM!!" Missionary shouted. "I AM THE KING OF NOMS!!!!"
"Hey! You're leaving no marbles!" Walter said.
"Oh, crap!" Claudia said as her finger started hurting from pushing the lever too hard.
"OM NOM NOM NOM NOM!!"
"My hippo is starving!"
"KING OF NOMS!"
Leonard started to become frustrated. "ARGH! I can't take it!" he yelled, and flipped the game over, scattering the white marbles everywhere.
"What the hell, Dad?!"
"I hate this game! It's a heretic! It's planning to destroy God!"
"... ... ... so, who are you?"
"Ugh, I'll just come out and say it: SHROOMSTER.