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Heather Mason's Epic Journey Part 33

W00TNESS! I finally got it done and introduced a character for Mandy's sake. I REAAALLLY don't want my house torched or my clothes stolen from Robbie the Rabbit. SO STOP READING THIS AND START READING THE STORY! Thanks.

Dante was quite proud of himself. He was able to put enough blood in the bag to fill it half way. Cheryl was beyond grossed out. How can he sit there with a calm expression and hold a bag of blood? "Come on Cheryl! It's not as bad as it looks. Pretend its... fruit punch." Dante tried to persuade her but she was as stubborn as a mule. "I wouldn't touch that with a 10 foot pole." Cheryl wrinkled her nose in disgust. "You're so stubborn you know?" "Yeah I know! AND I'M PROUD OF IT!" "Proud of being an idiot? Do you know what this world has done? The government corrupted most citizens into believing Money is the solution to everything! I mean, people use money to bribe people into doing an evil deed! People never recycle and our ecosystem is becoming more and more polluted! I mean--" Cheryl clamped a hand over Dante's mouth and looked at him incredulously. "What does this have to do with anything?" She asked worriedly. "I honestly don't know." Dante replied in a muffled voice. Cheryl was about to replace her hand with her lips when Dante grabbed her arms and twirled around so she was behind him. "You deserve the biggest asshole of the year award." She mumbled. "Oh I know." Dante smirked as he listened closer for the sound he heard earlier.

"I'm gonna ask someone for some directions to our next huge embarrassing failure, if you don't freaking mind." Heather remarked sarcastically as she looked around. "Good for you! I'm gonna ask someone for instructions on how to fill your heart with hatred." "What?" "Nothing." Aiden mumbled incoherently. "WELL THIS IS EPIC AS HELL!" Heather shouted as she kicked the nearest wall. "Uh huh. So epic. Almost as epic as you failing to remember WHERE THE MAP IS." Aiden raised his voice with anger. "I'm gonna ask for instructions on how to fill your dark soul with LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!" Heather shouted as she kicked Aiden in between the legs. "Mommy." He whimpered before crashing to the ground. "Thank you. That's... 5 times in one day." Aiden grumbled as he counted his fingers.

Nero was absolutely sure he was about to kill Brad at any given moment. He wouldn't shut up about how much he hated Cheryl teasing him about his accent! "I hate my accent! Just for that, I'm gonna call myself Vergil and run around aimlessly trying to kill demons and gain the true power of my father Sparda!" "What the fudge did you just say?" Nero raised an eyebrow and turned slowly to face Brad. "I mean... DAMN IT! JEAN SHOULD STOP TELLING ME HOW AWESOME DEVIL MAY CRY IS!" "Dude... what the hell are you talking about?" Nero asked again. "Freeze!" Brad suddenly called as he whipped out his frying pan and aimed it at Nero's head. "Freeze prick." Nero replied smoothly as he pulled his gun out and grabbed Brad into a headlock. "Oh hell. I'm screwed." Brad whimpered. "Now back up and pass me some tropical fruit bubblicious... and some skittles." Nero demanded. "There's no--" "THEN SHUT UP!" Nero shouted as he tossed Brad away from himself and sat back down. Brad rubbed his neck and glared viciously at Nero.

"It's just fruit Punch Cheryl. Nothing to worry about Cheryl. It's not blood Cheryl." Cheryl mumbled to herself as she picked the bag up and stayed behind Dante. "Shh." Dante shushed as he tried to listen for the voice he heard outside the room.

"Where are we?"


"Thank you! Now lets get an answer from someone that's not a complete retard."

"Who is it?" Cheryl asked Dante. Dante didn't reply but instead, he made his way over to the door and opened it slowly.


"AAAAH!" Someone screamed.

"Vergil?" Dante asked incredulously.

"Do I look like your dead brother?"

"Kinda." Dante admitted.

"Damn it! And I thought this disguise would work."

"You're wearing the same clothes--"


"At any rate. It's been... A whole month since we last met. How about a kiss from your brother? Better yet how about a kiss from this!"

"A bunny? Really Dante? That's all you could come up with is a Bunny? Out of all this time, instead of a gun you came up with a freaking bunny?"

"...... Yeah."

"Dante, who is it?" Cheryl asked impatiently. "My dead brother." He answered honestly. Cheryl raised an eyebrow and peeked over his shoulder. "Who is she?" Vergil asked angrily. "....... No one." "Dante, I hate it when you lie." Vergil pressed. "Who's your other friend there?" Dante shot back ignorantly. "Him? This idiot? I don't know!" "My name is Isaac for your information." "Oh hey Isaac. What happened to...Mandy?" Cheryl looked behind Vergil and backed away slowly. "OH VERGIL YOU'RE THE COOLEST! COOLER THAN NERO WHICH MAKES YOU EPIC AND I LOVE EPIC PEOPLE!" "GET OFF OF ME!" Vergil screamed as he took off his blue coat and ran behind Cheryl. "Mandy... I told you Vergil was mine." Cheryl scolded. "I found him first so he's mine!" "Nuh uh! He's mine." Cheryl argued back. "Dante, I'm scared." Vergil whispered as he watched the girls glare at each other furiously. "What can I say? It's not our fault we're so drop dead sexy." Dante clicked his tongue and elbowed Vergil. "So how are you? Still bitchy as usual I gather?" "Go away Dante and burn in the fiery pits of Hades." "Been there and done that big bro." Dante replied sarcastically.

Bob had been all around the hospital when she heard a phone ring. "Hello?" Bob asked as she walked into the locker room and looked around. "Oh there it is." She chuckled to herself as she picked up the phone. "Yellow?" She asked cheerfully into the phone. "Happy birthday to yoooouuu. Happy birthday tooooo yoooouuuu. Happy birthday dear-- Oh, I forgot yout name." "Call me SOMBITCHPILEOFMONKEYNUTS" "Oh right! Thanks for reminding me. Happy birthday dear SUMBITCHPILEOFMONKEYNUTS! HAAAAAAPPY BIIIIIRTHDAAAAAY TOOOOO YOOOOU! Happy 9000th birthday!" "I'm not 9000 years old!" Bob grumbled as the mysterious man hung up on her.

Walter walked around his victim slowly; wanting to make Justin Bieber as uncomfortable as he could.

"Where were you born?"


"SILENCE! Nero was in Wonderland!"


"NOTHING!" Walter snapped. "I want you to run around this track 37 times." He demanded as he grabbed his custom made bullwhip. "NEVER!" Justin shouted as he kicked Walter. "D'oh! Foolish boy!" Walter whipped Justin on the butt with his whip. "I will not be feed to the sharks again either!" He cried as Walter grabbed him by the neck and dragged him into a cell. "NO PLEASE! NOT AGAIN!" Justin begged. Claudia wasn't really paying attention. She was ordering another Missionary on Ebay because Alessa's stupid sidekick Cheryl destroyed the other one with a Burrito. A BURRITO FOR GOD SAKES! This time, she was gonna make this Missionary strong enough to reflect Burrito attacks.

Vincent was in his library. Totally fine until his 'patient' James walked in. "What do you want now Sunderland?" Vincent asked grumpily. "I'm here for my appointment. Duh." Vincent slapped his forehead. He totally forgot about it. "Right. Have a seat James." James sat down extra slowly and stared at Vincent with dismay. "I just fell from 40 storeys." "What? Uh I mean... yeah." Vincent copied everything down into his notebook. James has clearly lost his mind. "And would you believe that at the bottom of those 40 storeys was a crate full of Marshmallows." James continued. Vincent felt his glasses crack and he looked up at James incredulously. Okay man, he was gone. Like, mentally gone. "No..." Vincent responded slowly. "And you'd be right." James mumbled. "So how did you live?" Vincent asked as he replaced his glasses and continued to scribble in his notebook. "Love." James simply replied. "Love?" Vincent asked incredulously as he copied it down. "Love." James repeated slowly. "Who's love?" Vincent asked. "Your--- Mary's love." James was about to say 'your love' but that would be just wrong. "Mary's love?" "Mmmm-hmmm." James agreed as he kicked his feet up on Vincent's desk. "What the hell are you talking about?" Vincent asked finally. James was actually scaring him. "I really don't know, I hit my head pretty hard when I landed." James confessed. Vincent wanted to toy around with James.

"So you remember the mission?"

"To insure the survival of John Conner." James responded smugly. Vincent felt his mouth go agape. "Close enough." He replied with a smile.

"Anyways, I think it's time for a Marshmallow ride!" James squealed as he jumped up and threw Vincent's window open. "James don't!" Vincent screamed as James propped himself on the windowsill and jumped.


"Damn!" Vincent grumbled as he watched James fall to his death. Or to some serious pain later on.

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